


All we do is think about the feelings that we hide

by twoheartsx



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Driving, Friends to Lovers, I Tried, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad, Secret love, mentioned torment, some what poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5656096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/pseuds/twoheartsx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's slow and chemical and Cloud calls it friendship, but it's far from anything friends would do. </p><p>A look at Cloud and Zack's relationship and how friendship can be love in disguise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All we do is think about the feelings that we hide

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the song drive and thought it would be a good song to use for a fic. I tried to make this have a more poetic approach. I wanted to really talk about the idea of Cloud think he and Zack's 'relationship' is simply friends or friends with benefits and then later they learn it's more or Cloud learns it's more. I also really liked trying to capture Cloud's feelings in the moment of Zack's death. I hope you guys like it and let me know what you think.

Cloud closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. The feeling of leather under his hands as he ran them over the seat under him. An uncomfortable silence sat in the car. Sat in the warm air from the heater. The coolness outside a forgotten element. Cloud softly bit the inside of his cheek as he dared to peak over at the taller man seated next to him. Bright blue eyes that seemed to glow kept their focus on the road in front of them. Strong hands gripped the steering wheel just tight enough to make Cloud wish he was the very thing they held. Cloud sees Zack turn to look at him, a smile spreading across the SOLDIER's face. One of the SOLIDER's hands reached out, taking Cloud's into his own. The blond blushed slightly, blush unseen due to the darkness of the car and dim street lamps. Zack was being nice, showing Cloud around Midgar since the young cadet hadn't had much a chance to see it since coming here. Cloud had been busy between training and studying for upcoming exams and going on small missions that he had yet to see all the beauty and wonders of the city. The missions he went on were always simple. Rounding up a few people in sector eight that shinra assumed was plotting something. Guarding the many floors of the shinra building. When he was lucky he got to assist on missions with real SOLIDERS. He'd been lucky to go on around five missions where he worked along side those amazing people. He didn't really like the easy missions, most nights he was stuck on guard duty. Nothing was too exciting about rounding up rouge civilians who sought to have an uprising against the company ether. The real action was with SOLIDER and that's where Cloud liked to be. The blond always wanted to be a SOLIDER and was dealt a crushing blow when he failed the entrance exams. It was a harsh reality, but Cloud didn't give up. He forced himself to push on. To make his dreams come true. He joined as an inferyman, worked hard, signed up for any missions he could. Cloud was broke from his thoughts by the feeling of soft lips on his neck. He closes his eyes, feeling a blush creep over his face. He opens his eyes, looking over into Zack's. Mako enhanced eyes that burn into his soul and all he can think of is how beautiful they look and how he wants eyes like that too.

The sound of running water could be heard. The small flat filled with the warmth from the hot shower and the stove. Cloud leans on the counter, watching the pasta boil. The bubbles that rise in the pot seem to capture Cloud's interest. He hears a laugh behind him, craning his neck so he can look back. Zack stands in the kitchen entryway, a towel wrapped around his waist. Water dripped down his toned chest and Cloud stares a bit longer then he should. He sees Zack draw closer, lowering the heat on the stove. Cloud closes his eyes, feeling the breath on his lips before the distance between them is closed. Kisses, innocent at first turn naughty. Before they know it they are in the room and undressing. Zack's quick and Cloud likes that.

Cloud never knows what to call this. They don't say 'I love you'. The words stay unspoken and yet Cloud feels it in every inch of Zack's touch. It settles in his bones and courses in his veins. It means everything even when it was nothing. Zack's his best friend and this is just what friends did.

Cloud doesn't tell anyone. He keeps it to himself. It's like his and Zack's secret. He doesn't say a word because he knows this is casual. Because he tells himself Zack doesn't love him like that. Zack's normal. This thing is just for fun. A past time for them both and to show their friendship. It's their thing and so Cloud doesn't talk about it with anyone. The marks Zack leaves stay covered and so do the words he whispers to Cloud. Because they are friends and friends don't talk about this stuff.

It's loving. A word that shouldn't be said about a friendship like this. It was friendship, pure loneliness driving them together. It's the desire to be needed and so loving shouldn't be on the list of things this is. Because it wasn't love. Zack didn't love him. No one did and he didn't blame them. He didn't love himself ether. He had nothing to give and so he was of little use to anyone. Plus, Zack was a SOLIDER. SOLIDER's don't fall in love with cadets. They fall in love with people with stature. So, those little touches and sacred words are in the moment things, but still carve their way into Cloud chest and fill his mind. For a moment Cloud starts to believe Zack just might love him.

The 'I love you' comes with sincerity and tears. It comes in the form of screams and their is nothing joyful about it. It comes as a last ditch effort to say what they both knew all along. Cloud could cry and he does. Zack loves him and there is blood and mako and they mix. They mix and fuse like he and Zack used to and it's sick. Because a word like 'I love you' shouldn't have came when the two of them were reaching their end. It should have came with smiles, with joy. Not while being injected with mako. Being made into lab rats and Cloud says it back. Because deep down he knows this is his last chance to say how he feels.

The next few weeks, months, how ever long it's been. Cloud can't find it in him to keep track. He's in and out, hears Zack's voice. Constant like it's trying to pull him back and Cloud wants to, but his body won't listen. He tries, all he does is try. He needs to get up and as Zack leaves him behind that rock and reaches for him Cloud feels his heart sink. He feels like this is the end. As gun shots are heard Cloud's heart shatters more and more. The sound of dozens of gun shots. The sound of Zack screaming and doing his best to fight. The sound of those cruel men who have haunted them and are now going to kill him. To kill Zack worst of all. This is the end. In some sick joke though they don't kill Cloud, they leave him to die by himself. He's useless and can't move anyways as they say. They leave him and Cloud forces himself to move. Forces himself to crawl over to Zack. Cloud's heart breaks at the sight he sees. Zack lies in the dirt that's turning to mud as it starts to rain. Blood is all around him, all over him. Cloud leans over him.

"Z-Zack..." Cloud calls out, voice unstable. His mind is trying to process what's happening. Zack needed to get up. They were almost to Midgar. Almost where Zack wanted to go.

"For the both of us..." Zack says, pain apparent in his voice.

"For the...both...of us..." Cloud says slowly.

"You're gonna....live..." Zack says, pulling Cloud's head against his chest. Blood spreads across the blonds face and soaks into his hair. "My dreams....my honor....their yours now..." Zack said, releasing his hold on Cloud's head. The blond lift his head, looking into Zack's eyes. Zack lifted the sword into Cloud's hand, making the blond grab it. "You're my living legacy." Zack whispered.

"I'm your living legacy..." Cloud said. He seen a smile spread across Zack's face as those beautiful blue eyes closed for the last time. In that moment it was like time stopped. The world was ending and yet it would go on like nothing even happen. Cloud took a deep breath, letting out the most heart retching screaming. A scream of pure agony because damn the world and damn those who caused this. Because the world was ending for Cloud. Zack was dead. Cloud's first best friend, first true friend. Cloud first love died all because of him. He stares into the sky as rain pours down on him and Zack. Cloud screamed because his heart felt like it had been torn from his chest. Because he wanted to die and take Zack's place. The dark haired ex-SOLIDER was so full of life. This couldn't be true. Cloud knew it was, but it didn't make anything any easier. He forced himself to stand up, legs still weak. He felt himself tear up. He forced himself to choke down the tears turning around. "Goodnight Zack." Cloud said, as he walked away dragging the sword with him. He was too weak to carry it, but he would find a way too. He had to carry Zack's sword. He promised to carry his dreams and honor. He would be Zack's living legacy.

He would become Cloud Strife, SOLIDER 1st class.


End file.
